Tears

I really don't like my days ending and beginning with tears. Why is it that some days are harder than others? Why do random days effect (affect) [Sorry Miss Cannon, I never got those two clear] me more than birthdays? It isn't fair. But, we have to remember what "fair" is. A "fair" is a place you go to ride rides and eat cotton candy. It's a nice place to visit but you can't live there. It's not what life was meant to be. It's a temporary escape from reality. Come to think about it, I could use a really good dose of fair right now. Truth be known I probably spend more time there than I'd like to admit.

Tears. I have cried so many that I didn't think I had any more to cry. But they continue to regenerate themselves. I wish I knew what my tears were, other than saline. They are a mixture of grief, joy, anger, selfishness, reliance, relief, fear. They seem to contradict themselves often. Here's the cool thing though, although I don't fully understand this concept. Jesus understands each tear. Why? Because He wept too. *Sigh* Maybe I'm beginning to understand more than I thought.

Maker of Noses

Woke up with this Rich Mullins' song on my mind.

They said boy you just follow your heart
But my heart just led me into my chest
They said follow your nose
But the direction changed every time I went and turned my head
And they said boy you just follow your dreams
But my dreams were only misty notions
But the Father of hearts and the Maker of noses
And the Giver of dreams He's the one I have chosen
And I will follow Him

Well...

Well...a deep subject for such a shallow mind. HAHA!

Why, when you have been through the worst situations in life that you'd never imagine, can life's lesser situations get you down? When you face the kind of tragedies we have why do the small things of life still mess with your head? The day to day is just that, day to day. God is Sovereign over all. True. God is Sovereign over the mundane. Still true. It is the Sovereignty of God that continues to be our part of our solace, but...

Should there be a "but"? In my weakness, He is strong. I think I forget that. Do we have the right to wallow? Some would say considering your situation maybe yes, maybe no.

Father, help me to...what? Help me to rest, trust, try, love, give, care, stop being so selfish, stop being so self-absorbed, stop being so self-conscious, stop being so self...everything. That pretty much covers it. Oh yeah, help me to not cheapen your grace and mercy, love and compassion, forgiveness and faithfulness. Thank you for all the above that you give without measure. "Oh for grace to trust You more". Amen!

Clearance

Background...On December 30, 2008, I tripped over a tire bumper at a convenient store in Wellborn, FL and crushed my left humerus bone. I had my first surgery to repair it on January 8, 2009. I had a second surgery in April, 2009 to replace the metal plate from the first surgery and to clean up scar tissue in and around the nerves. The second surgery lasted 8 hours.

Today, I was released by both my orthopedic surgeon and my neurologist. My arm is completely healed and I have almost all my feeling back in my forearm, hand & fingers. My thumb is still a little numb. That may or may not improve with time but I do have full function of my hand and fingers.

Thank You Lord for giving me doctors who knew what they were doing. Thank You for the great report and for near complete restoration. Thanks to all who have been praying for this specifically and for your continued prayers for my family and me. We are so blessed!

Another Day

Well, my week hasn't exactly gone as planned; wait there usually isn't a "plan". I had full intentions of following up on Easter but that day, though great, didn't allow time to continue. I tried earlier this week to complete that thought but it had left me. So...

There are times when following God seems like a walk in the park. Everything's clear and beautiful. The path is clearly marked. There are even markers along the way to tell me how far I've come. Other times it's like stumbling around in the dark. The darkness is familiar but I still move slowly afraid I may bump into something that may have been moved. I know where I'm going even if I can't see the exact direction. Then there are times when I'm completely clueless as to where I am. Everything can be well lit or it can be pitch black. It doesn't really matter because I have no knowledge, no understand, but I do have one thing. If I will be open, be willing, I have guidance. It's always so simple. Why do I complicate it so? "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6 (Emphasis added)

Easter

Here we are a day away from Easter. It is beautiful outside. Wide blue sky, bright green grass, yellow daffodils have bloomed. The trees are starting to bud. It won't be long before they burst out with life. But on this day several generations ago, on this day before the Resurrection; regardless of the weather conditions, it was a very dark and sad day for all who called themselves followers of Christ, the Messiah. I can't imagine their sense of loss, their chasm of hopelessness. The One whom they had put all of their trust, love, hope, dreams, their everything in was gone. And only on a couple of occasions previous to this day had they seen that death didn't mean finality. But now, the One who had ended those funerals, those days of mourning, it is He who is gone. Despair deeper than anything they had experienced was engulfing them. How could this be? "I am the Resurrection and the Life" was dead. They had seen the torturous execution like a slow motion replay reel. After that kind of beating, after losing that much blood, after suffocating on the Roman cross, everything they had ever known was over! He could bring the dead back to life with just a word but who would bring Him back? Who could possibly have power over this kind of death? Sleepless, sorrow filled, questioning minds could never imagine what the next sunrise would bring. But as the sun broke the surface of the horizon on that first Easter morning, everything, THEIR EVERYTHING changed forever. To be continued...