Understanding God

This blog entry began over a month ago. Not sure it makes any more sense today than it did when I began it. 

Does anyone else have difficulty understanding God? I know that God has revealed His mystery to us, but I've never been too good with mysteries, even those that are known. God showed us a glimpse of who he is through Jesus. Jesus said if you've seen Me you've seen the Father...if you know Me, you know the Father. I've known Jesus for all my life so it seems, been in a personal relationship with Him for 40+ years but feel as if I'm just scratching the surface on this relationship thing. I want my prayer to echo Paul's when he said  "I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,  and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." But I'm not too sure about the participating in the suffering part. I may be ready for the power of the resurrection though. But here's the deal...Paul has them in reverse order. Jesus didn't experience the resurrection power until after the suffering and death part. Ok, so maybe I'm not ready for either. Can I just say I want to know Christ? But I want more than just knowledge, many people "know" about Christ. I want it to go deeper. Another sobering reality. The depth of this relationship, as in any of my relationships, is gauged on my willingness to be known. As I type, this blows my mind...Christ knows me, knows all about me. The me that everyone else sees, the me that no one else sees. Nothing is hidden from Him. Very much different from some other relationship where I tend to just show my "good" side. This has taken an interesting turn from understanding to knowing. When we share with others and say "I know what you're talking about", that simply means I've heard similar stories of that kind of life experience from others. When we say "I understand what you're saying", doesn't that imply mutual experience? I've been there. So, God knows and understands me but I simply know. Is that where faith and trust kick in? There are definite things I know about God but even those things I don't truly understand. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. So for now I'll concentrate on the knowing. "Knowing You Jesus, knowing You. There is no greater thing. You're my all. You're the best. You're my joy my righteousness. And I love You, Lord."